My Milkshake brings all the god damn chicks to the yard.
I fought with myself over typing that, my ethnic side got the better of me. Even though I have no ethnic ancestry.... but I do like feta cheese. I legitimately heard a guy say this at the 24 hour K-food express on Saturday night, he had bumbling biceps with veins like fire-hoses. He was intimidating.
OK? Good Start. Great Start.
I know you are all wicked jealous of my witty banta, on Friday at work a colleague threw me a stress ball, that was shaped like a choo-choo train - but was by all accounts too firm to be used to actually reduce stress? Which begs the question - what is it then? To the untrained comedic mind - it was a dead end conversation. But for the veteran cogs of pun geniuses - it was quite the opposite. For example, I turned to my pal Dan at work whilst squeezing the train like a beating heart and said......"Hey Dan, I'm TRAINING"...Bang. I mean, that is just effing classy. To his very well-earned credit he responded swiftly, offering "Not a bad effort - you were on the right track..." This pun ping-pong went on for the best part of half an hour. Notable contributions included "you would be steaming..." and "careful you might get a COAL-SORE"... I know right? Tremendous.
This game soon moved onto something requiring much more intellectual integrity. We have all played it in our junior years at some-point, and it is one of the few games that can earn you the badge of being a "Real Man". Its where you sit about 1.5 metres from the person opposite you (this is in an office where you can hear a mouse fart) and one of the two participants is required to withstand a pelted stress ball in the FACE. For some reason, I can guarantee you will be giggling like a girl scout. Its sparks the sort of laughter that results in tears. Like, do you know how hard it is to tense your face?? with impending danger? It makes you look absolutely ridiculous. Like Sylvester Stallone after he just smelt a fart, whilst sucking on a lemon in glaring sunlight or some shet. It is honestly one of the funniest things you can do with five minutes and an opponent. You will thank me. See?? This blog is different. It's a pioneer. We give, you take. It's like a cooking recipe website - but more bad-ass and fucking sweet.
These sort of shenanigans filled my weekend. Like on Saturday night whilst we were out at a licensed establishment, and we chose to play "quadruple points A to Z"..... Yeah, we know how to party. Its simple, you just go around the circle and say four words in a row, starting with the same letter, and attempt to offer a sentence that actually makes grammatical sense. Forget chatting to babes and jamming jager bombs - this is what the new wave of legends are up to. Answers like "Desperate Donkey's Do Dominos" were thrown out there - at which point the player promptly offers an argument as to Why this sentence is acceptable. "They do. They do do dominos - I've bloody seen them do it at the zoo" sort of thing. The more cider they consume, the more adamant they become that each others quadruple-A-to-Z answer is the best/worst/worthy. The game ticks every box..... Thanks Buns, no worries my students.
Until next time. Take care of yourselves..... aaaaaaaand each other.