I lolled. Some may have even LSHMTFOIMC'd.....
(Laughing so hard my turban falls off into my curry) this is actually a recognised acronym - I read it somewhere.
The other day I went to the movies/pictures/flicks/films, (depending on what decade you were born in, or which english county you prefer) I went to see "The Five Year Engagemnt". I thought to myself, before I enter the cinema - I'll sidle over to the Candy Bar - just to ensure they are stocking the appropriate confectionery/ popcorn butter. After twice turning down service offers from the drastically overstaffed cinema eatery, I came to the conclusion that I best purchase a beverage, just in case I need a vice to detract my attention away from how potentially annoyed I may be half way through the film - if it's as Borry as the trailer suggests. It was upon ordering my large diet coke - for which price I could have probably flown Jason Segel to the Piccadilly for a game of checkers - that a moment of pure bliss and disbelief came over me. I strolled up to the register, where I was confronted by the Veronicas backing dancers (5 staff members at once - who's doing the rosters here?) and politely requested they fix me a large diet coke. The Selena Gomez serving me yells down the assembly line...(I still can't believe this - the poooooor girl) in a moment of devastating awkwardness like I have never seen, she goes "One large COCK please...COKE! One Large COKE!".
I couldn't even hide my embarrassment for her, I was choking on mouth farts trying to contain my amazement. She then tries to mop-up her sexually connotative error by offering "...ooooo what's on MY mind hey??"... The hole she had dug was so deep she was flicking lava out with her spade. All the while, she hasn't actually realised THAT I AM STILL STANDING THERE LISTENING. I'm still eagerly awaiting my large diet coke obviously - I fucking paid for it in gold bullion. She looks up and notices that I was, in fact, there the whole time. She had a look on her face like her mum just burnt her winning lottery ticket after deeming it to be sinful. She then places her now frantically shaking hand over her mouth and just mutters "Oh. My. God...". THEN - the best part.....SHE JUST LEAVES. Bang. Just like that. See you fucking later - I'm clocking off. I may never, ever return. Her embarrassment could only be measured in Killer Whales, or mining transport vehicles.
I had gargantuan props for her prompt exit. Her aesthetically similar friend ended up getting me the delayed soda. She looked at her shoes and slid it across the counter. I had the biggest grin you have ever seen on my face and just said,
You know what else promises to be an awesome event? Monday.
Because MOnday my friends, is the day that The Shiny Brights drop their newest single!!! YAY-town!
Confetti and streamers people!
Stay tuned and be the first to hear it, and to see the stunning new film clip - one with a clever edge, you just wait and see you skallywags! Aye!
All the best. Ron Artest. Meta World Peace.
PS - The movie turned out to be funny, best night ever.
I also made this appropriate image.