Monday, February 20, 2012

A little from Column A, a little from column YEAH....

Now that I have your undivided attention, are you?

I trust the happiness gods have granted you good virtue of recent........What?!.... I dunno. Back off.

Moments ago a man busted me talking to myself. This happens more than you would have thought. You know when you are pondering conversations that you might be having soon, when you assume the person you will be conversing with will have some gay rebuttal to whatever you say, regardless? So you sort of sit there and rehearse some “slap back” options – to shut the person up? Or also, repeating conversations you have already had – and rehearsing what you wish you had said? Even though the conversation was a week ago – and the culprit has forgotten you even had a conversation? Sometimes it takes me up to five minutes to realise I am muttering to myself at a low volume, and I appear to be Barry Bazrenath. But it’s worse when you are like at home doing the dishes or something mindless, and you assume no-one is home, so you REALLY go for it. Like, you are just having full blown conversations with yourself, proper volume and shet. Then your brother walks in, but your back is turned – so your still going through conversation options out aloud, while he stands there startled by your sheer autism. I’m the king at getting sidetracked, this is a great example. But anyway a dude caught me talking to myself, then when I looked up – he pretended to be hastily writing a text message. His kerfuffle was just as bad as mine in a way.

5 Notable events of recent:

1. Run With Scissors film clip soars above 1,000 hits in the first 3 weeks. (A-plus gold star)
2. Blue Toes and Run With Scissors are added to Radar radio in Sydney (High five)
3. Run With Scissors film clip is featured on numerous blogs, including Djs weekly top 20, Rip it up, Glam Adelaide and Play Pause Play. (four-step pre-rehearsed handshake)
4. The Shiny Brights are added to the Go here-Go There festival in Kings Cross, w/ King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (yell YEAH!)
5. The band performs new track Pushing Daisies with Delia Obst for the first time to a jam-packed crowd at Arcade Lane for the Fringe Festival (firm handshake and lots of nodding)

Now that I have inputted some relevance to this blog, I am free to write about things that really matter, like why my seatbelt always locks up - just when I need to lean forward to peer into a seemingly free parking space, only to have my bollocks kicked when I realise that it is of course, an unusually stubby car – like an old fiat or some mini minor piece of poo. EVERYTIME, I’m fuming. Or when it’s a scooter? Up yours mate. Your seatbelt locking up is so infuriating? Like you are just in a shit mood for the next hour, because your 89 corolla chooses the exact opposite times to cease up; when I brake frantically – where is the lock up? It is nowhere to be seen, it’s somewhere between my whip-lash and stinky 80s brake pads, that’s where it damn well is. I’m writing a letter to yoshimitsu Toyota.

Also, why are people in hospitality or customer service related employment such shit blokes? Did you waltz into the public bar interview not expecting to be talking to people? Is there a reason why you are still in this line of work despite possessing horrific service skills and a poor-mans attitude? I’m allowed to order a beer, surely. Don’t give me that blaze, “you are a retard” attitude mate – or get another job? No excuses. I’m fuming. Also, am I invisible? I have a reflection so..... maybe serve me before the bryl creem rep next to me who JUST ARRIVED. Jeeeeeeeeez. My internal dialogue does back flips in these situations.

Enough of that negativity. HOLLA!

Fuse is on Thursday night, we have a good showcase going on with The Guppies from NSW, The Leit Motif and Delia Obst. If you don’t come and see Delia – you lose. Because she is of a high calibre, true ‘dis. It is also FREE, so no reason not to go right? Good music, no expenditure? Sounds good to me. Beers also available for those Hoola hoopers and pac-man video gamers. To be sure, to be sure (irish accent). Ok, well – talk soon guys.


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