You have probably heard on the GV (Grapevine) that lex, lippy, wolfy, pizznit and bunzy are in a band yeah? Not just any band – the five bestest friends that anyone could ever have....band. We just went on the road too – making cheerio’s and bumping fists in Sydney, Adelaide and Melbourne. Us five besties just know how to have such a SWELL time too, you know? Such rascals hey..... totally!
Le-Tour-de-mini-horn got off to flyer with a doozie of a rock concert in the heart of Melbourne, at the infamous Revolver. I’m not sure about you guys, but for me, as soon as anyone mentions Revolver, I’m like; “Is that that poo-hole where that guy was found dead after laying there lifeless for 24 hours, whilst gurning jaws clapped out SOS signals around him?”, so this time around I thought fuck it – I’m going to ask the longest standing employee here, and quash this rumour once and for all. Enter Revolver soundman....”Hey Man, how long have you been working here?”.......”Awww pfffffft 12 years?”.......”Brilliant – you would have to know. Did some MDMA mule kark it here a few years back, whilst people danced the night away in the pitch black anonymity of that back corner?”.
Long story short. They have had several dudes OD there. This one particular guy was clinically dead, his heart had stopped, and whilst paramedics attempted to revive him, two blokes came up claiming to be his “mates”, and offered to call his mother. After making a pretend phone call, the two men fucking rolled the dying teenager for everything he was worth, including his watch and shoes, then scurried off into the darkness never to be seen again. Greeeaaaat blokes. The worst part is me and the soundman broke into laughter as he told the story. Anyway – he was unsure as to what came of the near-dead young man, but can confirm that this is the much closer reality to the rumour.
We opened the night in Melbourne and we were followed by Brisbane’s Hey Geronimo, and hometown heroes The Jonesez. The calibre of the bands seemed to exponentially grow as the night progressed.... with the Jonesez capping the night off with a very impressive show. Also “Grouse” blokes. Remember that word? Grouse? I would appreciate it if everyone slipped this back into today’s lingo, Cheers.
The Jonesez @ Revolver
Friday around 3pm Da Shinez le poofe-ee arrived in Sydney, I had just pounded a chicken and salad double cut roll that just WOULD NOT digest. But it gave me the necessary carbohydrates I needed to punch the drum kit all night like a fricking legend, and I was fine after I "took the hobbits to isengard" if you know what I'm saying. Our first port of call was a luxurious rooftop just out of the Sydney CBD that had a 360 degree panorama view of the city skyline. It was here that we tried our hand at some acoustic style beatzzz (Run With Scissors and Slippery Dip) which were professionally filmed by two lovely gentlemen with three HD cameras. The final result? Stay tuned.
At around 11pm after Sydney band Pear Shape performed, and after about 5 of those imperial pints that mimic mediaeval beer vessels and make you feel like Mr.Frodo at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, we took to the stage. The gig was part of the Go-Here-Go-There festival which saw nearly twenty bands share two stages at neighbouring venues. The stellar event was quarterbacked by long-time lover and close friend Clancy Bennett, and was “A credit......to the airline..”.
Our set went swimmingly with some more than generous crowd participation as a result of suitable drink specials, and a worryingly Adelaide-clad crowd. But have you ever played the drums on a seat that constantly goes “Tssssssssst” all the way to the bottom of its height capabilities? Its incredibly frustrating, and makes you play like a clucking chicken, but I had to ADAPT nigga, ADAPT. Being optimistic paid off – we made it through after some serious lag-time between chunes. All part of the show though, you know what I’m saying all those record labels out there? Yeah.
After we peeled our wet and soiled shirts off, and doused our balls in deodorant, we B-lined for the bar. Then the Dj decks. Then the dance-floor. Then the Dj decks. Then I had three people in a piggy-back. Then we skulled white wine from the bottle. Then I tried several times to Moonwalk, but was denied due to the caked Bacardi breezer spillage all of the floor. I told you we were the bestest damn five buddy-ol-pals anyone could ever have. Didn’t I.
Bands. Are. Fun.
These are the Dj Decks we set alight on Sat night.....
Rego gets all blurry faced on my arse.
I sat next to this baby on the plane...............BANG SIX TOES BITCH.
Oh and we played at Clipsal, at the Hutt street after party to my sort of crowd. Sneans, with car company patched shirts, and bucket hats. Since when are they back in? They were never even in? No excuses. Unless you catch 20 kilo Marlon on the reg – get that peice of anus off your head.
And stop yelling “Barnesssssyyy”... to us in between songs. We are unfamiliar with the catalogue of Mr James Barnes.
Oh and you have pissed yourself. Woopsie.
Please refrain from touching/long-pouring your west end frothie all over our fold-backs too.
We are the Shiny Brights.
PS - I will leave you with the most amazing photo I have ever been involved in ever, ever, ever.
Drum roll......pun intended. Ha! ROFL LOLZ
Ladies and Gentlemen. I bid you a Jew, and a Palestinian.