Slippery Dip Live acoustic - new song Sneak Peek!

A new diddy.

Run With Scissors - The Shiny Brights for DO IT LIVE!

A few weeks back yeah, on a rooftop in Sydney's outer leafy suburbs, we threw together some tunes of the acoustic variety - for the guys from "Do It Live". They are below for your perusal and ultimate satisfaction.
The Blog that keeps giving. That's what everyone is saying. Around the streets.

Enjoi.

Run With Scissors Live Acoustic.



-TSB-

#bsack

Mour....(Mini/Tour)

Herzlichen Gluckwunsch.

You have probably heard on the GV (Grapevine) that lex, lippy, wolfy, pizznit and bunzy are in a band yeah? Not just any band – the five bestest friends that anyone could ever have....band. We just went on the road too – making cheerio’s and bumping fists in Sydney, Adelaide and Melbourne. Us five besties just know how to have such a SWELL time too, you know? Such rascals hey..... totally!

Le-Tour-de-mini-horn got off to flyer with a doozie of a rock concert in the heart of Melbourne, at the infamous Revolver. I’m not sure about you guys, but for me, as soon as anyone mentions Revolver, I’m like; “Is that that poo-hole where that guy was found dead after laying there lifeless for 24 hours, whilst gurning jaws clapped out SOS signals around him?”, so this time around I thought fuck it – I’m going to ask the longest standing employee here, and quash this rumour once and for all. Enter Revolver soundman....”Hey Man, how long have you been working here?”.......”Awww pfffffft 12 years?”.......”Brilliant – you would have to know. Did some MDMA mule kark it here a few years back, whilst people danced the night away in the pitch black anonymity of that back corner?”.

Long story short. They have had several dudes OD there. This one particular guy was clinically dead, his heart had stopped, and whilst paramedics attempted to revive him, two blokes came up claiming to be his “mates”, and offered to call his mother. After making a pretend phone call, the two men fucking rolled the dying teenager for everything he was worth, including his watch and shoes, then scurried off into the darkness never to be seen again. Greeeaaaat blokes. The worst part is me and the soundman broke into laughter as he told the story. Anyway – he was unsure as to what came of the near-dead young man, but can confirm that this is the much closer reality to the rumour.

We opened the night in Melbourne and we were followed by Brisbane’s Hey Geronimo, and hometown heroes The Jonesez. The calibre of the bands seemed to exponentially grow as the night progressed.... with the Jonesez capping the night off with a very impressive show. Also “Grouse” blokes. Remember that word? Grouse? I would appreciate it if everyone slipped this back into today’s lingo, Cheers.

The Jonesez @ Revolver

Friday around 3pm Da Shinez le poofe-ee arrived in Sydney, I had just pounded a chicken and salad double cut roll that just WOULD NOT digest. But it gave me the necessary carbohydrates I needed to punch the drum kit all night like a fricking legend, and I was fine after I "took the hobbits to isengard" if you know what I'm saying. Our first port of call was a luxurious rooftop just out of the Sydney CBD that had a 360 degree panorama view of the city skyline. It was here that we tried our hand at some acoustic style beatzzz (Run With Scissors and Slippery Dip) which were professionally filmed by two lovely gentlemen with three HD cameras. The final result? Stay tuned.

Boner Jamz.

At around 11pm after Sydney band Pear Shape performed, and after about 5 of those imperial pints that mimic mediaeval beer vessels and make you feel like Mr.Frodo at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, we took to the stage. The gig was part of the Go-Here-Go-There festival which saw nearly twenty bands share two stages at neighbouring venues. The stellar event was quarterbacked by long-time lover and close friend Clancy Bennett, and was “A credit......to the airline..”.

Our set went swimmingly with some more than generous crowd participation as a result of suitable drink specials, and a worryingly Adelaide-clad crowd. But have you ever played the drums on a seat that constantly goes “Tssssssssst” all the way to the bottom of its height capabilities? Its incredibly frustrating, and makes you play like a clucking chicken, but I had to ADAPT nigga, ADAPT. Being optimistic paid off – we made it through after some serious lag-time between chunes. All part of the show though, you know what I’m saying all those record labels out there? Yeah.

 After we peeled our wet and soiled shirts off, and doused our balls in deodorant, we B-lined for the bar. Then the Dj decks. Then the dance-floor. Then the Dj decks. Then I had three people in a piggy-back. Then we skulled white wine from the bottle. Then I tried several times to Moonwalk, but was denied due to the caked Bacardi breezer spillage all of the floor. I told you we were the bestest damn five buddy-ol-pals anyone could ever have. Didn’t I.

 Kaaa-yuuuuuuute

 Bands. Are. Fun.

 These are the Dj Decks we set alight on Sat night.....

 Rego gets all blurry faced on my arse.

 I sat next to this baby on the plane...............BANG SIX TOES BITCH.

I mean.....wow.

Oh and we played at Clipsal, at the Hutt street after party to my sort of crowd. Sneans, with car company patched shirts, and bucket hats. Since when are they back in? They were never even in? No excuses. Unless you catch 20 kilo Marlon on the reg – get that peice of anus off your head.

And stop yelling “Barnesssssyyy”... to us in between songs. We are unfamiliar with the catalogue of Mr James Barnes.

Oh and you have pissed yourself. Woopsie.

Please refrain from touching/long-pouring your west end frothie all over our fold-backs too.

Great. Cheers.

We are the Shiny Brights.

Buns.

PS - I will leave you with the most amazing photo I have ever been involved in ever, ever, ever.

EVAAAAAA.

Drum roll......pun intended. Ha! ROFL LOLZ

Ta Da!

Ladies and Gentlemen. I bid you a Jew, and a Palestinian.

Good night.

PartAY

Straight from the nudes desk...

How bout them white leather loafers people wear hey? Whip it into a combo meal with a white belt? Babes be melting. At least that's what my mate Dylan told me, he's doing up his mums Camira.

 

Put a pair of these badboys on and you'll be "hookin up" heaps. 

What a legend.

In other news, we played a string of shows in the last few weeks, no white loafers were worn.
Our FUSE Festival show at Jive in Adelaide was great, we played a bunch of new songs, babes melted.
We're of to Melbourne to play a show at Revolver on 2nd March (Friday) with Jonsez. Can't wait for those sweet mini cans of coke on the flight.

Also this week Radar Radio added us to their playlist, pretty cool eh? My mum thinks so, Dad reckons it's alright too. Keep an "ear out" and hopefully you will hear us, if not you'll probably hear one of the tracks below.

ATB

BrightLightsBigCity – Clubfeet
Running It – Diafrix
Days – The Drums
Let You Go – Pete Murray
No Sleep – Wiz Khalifa
Let’s Forget All The Things That We Say – Julia Stone

Unsigned/Independent
Rosebud – The Jezabels
Run With Scissors – The Shiny Brights

SONG OF THE WEEK: Rosebud – The Jezabels

RECORD OF THE WEEK: ‘In A Million Years’ – Last Dinosaurs

Boom Goes the Dynamite.

A little from Column A, a little from column YEAH....

Now that I have your undivided attention, Hello....how are you?


I trust the happiness gods have granted you good virtue of recent........What?!.... I dunno. Back off.


Moments ago a man busted me talking to myself. This happens more than you would have thought. You know when you are pondering conversations that you might be having soon, when you assume the person you will be conversing with will have some gay rebuttal to whatever you say, regardless? So you sort of sit there and rehearse some “slap back” options – to shut the person up? Or also, repeating conversations you have already had – and rehearsing what you wish you had said? Even though the conversation was a week ago – and the culprit has forgotten you even had a conversation? Sometimes it takes me up to five minutes to realise I am muttering to myself at a low volume, and I appear to be Barry Bazrenath. But it’s worse when you are like at home doing the dishes or something mindless, and you assume no-one is home, so you REALLY go for it. Like, you are just having full blown conversations with yourself, proper volume and shet. Then your brother walks in, but your back is turned – so your still going through conversation options out aloud, while he stands there startled by your sheer autism. I’m the king at getting sidetracked, this is a great example. But anyway a dude caught me talking to myself, then when I looked up – he pretended to be hastily writing a text message. His kerfuffle was just as bad as mine in a way.


5 Notable events of recent:

1. Run With Scissors film clip soars above 1,000 hits in the first 3 weeks. (A-plus gold star)
2. Blue Toes and Run With Scissors are added to Radar radio in Sydney (High five)
3. Run With Scissors film clip is featured on numerous blogs, including Djs weekly top 20, Rip it up, Glam Adelaide and Play Pause Play. (four-step pre-rehearsed handshake)
4. The Shiny Brights are added to the Go here-Go There festival in Kings Cross, w/ King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (yell YEAH!)
5. The band performs new track Pushing Daisies with Delia Obst for the first time to a jam-packed crowd at Arcade Lane for the Fringe Festival (firm handshake and lots of nodding)



Now that I have inputted some relevance to this blog, I am free to write about things that really matter, like why my seatbelt always locks up - just when I need to lean forward to peer into a seemingly free parking space, only to have my bollocks kicked when I realise that it is of course, an unusually stubby car – like an old fiat or some mini minor piece of poo. EVERYTIME, I’m fuming. Or when it’s a scooter? Up yours mate. Your seatbelt locking up is so infuriating? Like you are just in a shit mood for the next hour, because your 89 corolla chooses the exact opposite times to cease up; when I brake frantically – where is the lock up? It is nowhere to be seen, it’s somewhere between my whip-lash and stinky 80s brake pads, that’s where it damn well is. I’m writing a letter to yoshimitsu Toyota.


Also, why are people in hospitality or customer service related employment such shit blokes? Did you waltz into the public bar interview not expecting to be talking to people? Is there a reason why you are still in this line of work despite possessing horrific service skills and a poor-mans attitude? I’m allowed to order a beer, surely. Don’t give me that blaze, “you are a retard” attitude mate – or get another job? No excuses. I’m fuming. Also, am I invisible? I have a reflection so..... maybe serve me before the bryl creem rep next to me who JUST ARRIVED. Jeeeeeeeeez. My internal dialogue does back flips in these situations.


Enough of that negativity. HOLLA!


Fuse is on Thursday night, we have a good showcase going on with The Guppies from NSW, The Leit Motif and Delia Obst. If you don’t come and see Delia – you lose. Because she is of a high calibre, true ‘dis. It is also FREE, so no reason not to go right? Good music, no expenditure? Sounds good to me. Beers also available for those Hoola hoopers and pac-man video gamers. To be sure, to be sure (irish accent). Ok, well – talk soon guys.


Buns

Run With Scissors Video Clip

Enjoy!

The Shiny Brights - Run With Scissors.

Edited and Produced by Tom Stevens

You go to Jim Dayleigh?

And it's been awhile

Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you....

These are lyrics by Stain'd.................but what I am getting at - is that there has not been a blog for some time meow, and that is because I have been snorkelling in laksa broth, in Asia.

I know what you’re thinking; Well who the fuck am I going to steal sweet jokes from to impress my boyz down the club on the weekend without this blog? I know. Trust me, I know – and from all accounts it has been dry around this joint recently, humour wise. But I am back. With vengeance.

Being a male dancer is hard, but Asia is easy. Easy to have a good time when you are young a free. Sure, its pungent on a man’s nostrils, it begs for the hygienically daring, they slam down domestic pets as delicate cuisine and it is loaded with Ladyboys – but it is actually the bestest damn place EVAAAAA (say with mouth opened wide) AAAA. I can prove this with photographic evidence also.

First stop: Thai-rand. Where to weather is barmy, the food is questionable, the nightlife is tremendous and the chicky babes are in fact, men. It’s so common for a man to have his twig and berries severed off, and boobies implanted, that it is completely reasonable for someone to sidle up to an ACTUAL woman, and just to be sure, say “are you Kathoey (Lady-boy)?”. Imagine if you did that here? You pop on your GoPro camera (why not), you go down to the Paradise bus exchange, and you roll up to the first lady you see and just go... “Excuse me miss, but is it accurate that you are in fact......a man?”. Wow. I mean, If she didn't at least attempt a punch to the face, or a pile-drive to the face I would be very surprised/disappointed. Better yet, ask a man if there is a possibility that he might be a woman? Greeeeeat way to swallow your teeth no?

Yeah so, Thailand is great. They sell these large buckets which are comprised of half a bottle of vodka, and two Redbull syrups. After searching high and low for my marbles one night, I was informed that the red-bull energy drink was actually invented in Thailand – in this: its purest form. The product was then manipulated, carbonated and re-patented by a dude from Amsterdam, who is now on the Worlds’ elite rich list. Sooooo what I was actually ingesting was some thai palpitation shifter shit, that driiiives a man....Insane. Clinically mental. You will be exhibiting unprecedented behaviour, it will even shock yourself. “Nutts” the schmoe I was travelling with actually commandeered an elderly ladies’ food stall trolley, eating her products and offering them to passers-by for a reasonable fee, he was also giving the finger to people he had never met, pressing his finger against their noses.......and none of this could be recollected in the morning. It’s like LSD or something, in a syrup, with speed? I dunno. But I lost my shoes and shirt.

We were also lucky enough to have our spines rearranged by an ambitiously over-crowded speed boat, which was our chosen "transport" to the Thai island Koh Penang - for the infamous Full Moon Party. Days later we learnt that the previous year, this very same transport vessel had capsized - resulting in the horrific night time drowning of 14 people......the lucky ones swam to a nearby island only to be ushered off by local tribesmen who wear nay but a banana leaf. To look at; the Full Moon Party come December is 20,000 Aussies, Dutchies, Poms and Andy Roddicks thrashing about in an area fit for say, 800 people? In this jam sandwich, there are obstacles that are so damn illegal that its offensive. Twenty metre long ropes doused in flaming kerosene for people to hurdle, flaming hoops to dolphin dive through for a "laugh", cargo nets to climb and slippery dips that just fling you into the poo-storm of tourists. Meanwhile dozens of international DJs spin haaaaard dubstep, for people to "Dub out" to. Unfortunately my words can only do this event so much justice. But, hopefully you catch my drift. Or drifties. Bro.

The next day I was haemorrhaging from too much arsenic juice (redbull) when a miniature asian lady woke us, as if she were drunk, and had lost her house keys. It sounded like the stampede in Jumanji. Then it occurred to us that we had ordered a wake-up call for our flight, without sussing whether there were actually phones in Koh Samui. There aren’t. You just get some bizarre Thai woman screeching in that asian tone that makes you raise your eyebrows with your eyes closed. You know? So, blinded by hungoverness, we B-lined for the airport, which is just a slightly more quaint shantee. After intravenous McDonalds and a stopover in smash-dick (Bangkok) we set foot in Phnom Penh.

Combodge rocks for starters. It coils a sloppy one on Thailand, But you be the judge. Phenom Pen15 offers a nicer, less Clipsal 500 version of Asia. Better people, shops, food and foreigners.  Plenty of expats, and many a French colloquial bars and restaurants. Feeling that? Its flaunt with good times only. With the exception of S21, the Khmer Rouge “Torture Museum” courtesy of Pol Pot. After going here you should have no choice but to sprint home, grab the TV remote and desperately trawl for the most light-hearted comedy you can find, otherwise you will just slump into a deep, deep depression. Heed this advice. The city is also situated on a river, which is picturesque and wicked for hooking up with dudes... I mean chics.

*You are also meant to sleep with one hand on each kidney here, as it is the world leader in black market organ trading. J

Further North lies the ancient temple city of Angkor Wat, which is garnered by the town that offers Cambo’s best nightlife, Siem Reap. Angkor wat is where Angelina Jolie plonked her knockers on those ancient stone temples with tree roots inter-twining all over them yeah? You know you are a shit-balls tourist when you ask your driver if you can see the “Tomb Raider” temple, they wear a smile – but you can tell the driver just thinks you are another Marty Blower. Siem reap is also where I got my botty towelled  by a drunk dude speeding on a scooter. Because henry wanted to go this particular direction to go to the male brothel or something.

Cue: Henry Nutt for explanation....

- salutations.

firday night, siem reap...December something.. disposing of our horrific hangovers by searching through the ancient temples of Ankor Wat, Ankor Thom and the Bayon Temple, we decided that perhaps a quiet evening was in order. "what should we do?" miles questioned. "lets go to the markets!" i replied. miles rolls his eyes, as he now accustomed to the fact that all i want to do is look at markets and try to get ripped off. "lets get dinner first" he replied. i then looked at him and said "yuuuuuggghhhh maaatee"....(said as if your throat is very dry and you have been up for 4-6 days) so we made our way to the infamous "Pub Street" courtesy of our adorable Tuk Tuk driver "helvut" "or "heavut" or something. i called him helmet. he was cute...miles said he head looked like that of an old dried cashew. i didn't see the resemblance, but thought he was delicious nonetheless.

Arriving on pub street, where the damage had been done the night before. chills run down the spin as you wander past clubs and pubs you ventured the night before. noticeably a little place called Ankor wat? (original huh?) were miles and i settled in and i choofed my newly adopted cigar addiction. Look, we got on it....we drank a few beers ok? we drank a few beers to the tune $0.75 a pint or a jug for $2.50...what was i supposed to do?  as time went by and i very slowly spent $20, miles and i decided to get some air, and look at another place...this place was literally over the street, called "temple" (again, original..bless them) we strolled in to the bar and noticed a burley man with the "David Brent" style goatee waving at us. to our confusion we head over. "Are you'se ozzies? ya look like ozzies??" the man proclaimed. "ah yeah man, we are. how are ya?" we replied a little annoyed at what we had just heard. "fuckin good maate! im aaron and this is Chris, (pointing to his much younger friend) and this is my bird (i forget her name, but she was cambodian). miles and i look at one another, as if to think something is out of place. why is a 30 something year old man hanging out with a young 20ish year old man and a maybe 20ish year old SIem Reap Local? miles got chatting to chris, who was actually a terrific fella, and i got stuck with me new best mate....aaron. after some idol chit chat, he informs us that he works on the mines or whatever, and was basically in asia to get on it. "beers are $0.75, whats wrong with the world!! Nothin!! cocktail jugs are 3 bucks! whats wrong with the world!! nothing!! see my bird here?? $50 bucks for two days! whats wrong with the world? nothin!!" this was an actual quote from aaron word for word...as my eyes widened to the information my brain was slowly piecing together, aaron had selected a young lady to be "his" for two days....if there is anything wrong with the world. its aaron...surely... we went back to ankor wat? and drank 250 beers that was that...

i forget what i was supposed to be telling you... oh yeah miles and his scooter. yeah. so we get pub street and select a restaurant. its called the red piano, i remember this as angelina jolie ate there once...and they dont let you forget it. we each had a cocktail to sooth our hung tummys and ordered western meals. if we were ever going to order asian, being this hung was not the time. miles ordered some polish dish or something and it was out lickidy split, i ordered spaghetti, im left to assume they made it from scratch as it took nearly 45 mins to arrive...would this later effect the events of the evening? who knows. after i watched miles eat his meal, he patiently watched me eat mine. we then got the bill..$11.40 and made our way to the night markets, as miles had promised. in walking there i noticed a neon sign pointing to night markets, ones we hadnt been to before. miles wasnt so keen, but i wanted to buy another 5 casios... we set off in a new direction chatting away, asking hypothetical questions to one another over and over. we came to the cross roads where over there road lies a bridge, over the bridge...night markets. after being in tie-land for sometime and also cambodia, we have somewhat got used to crossing the street. eyes forward. nice and easy, give the scooters a chance to swerve you, as ofcourse. there are no such things as road rules in asia...red lights are just suggestions...

we looked left, looked right, looked left again....looked right onces more and commenced crossing, i took my first step out looking left, and saw a scooter steaming around the corner heading our way "woaaahh" i said as i took a step back and watch it sail past my body. as i watched it pass me, miles came in to sight. he was looking right for other scooters, when he looked left, it was too late. he had a honda 4 stroke parked up his ass... when a scooter going 60 hits a man weighing 90 nothing is pretty..the noise of OOHHHEEEGGGHHH like an upper cut to the cut, then a full grown man doing a 540 degree turn 1.5 meters off the ground, as the scooter spins out of control why still carrying what appears to be a dead siem reap local...he wasnt dead....however he was the drunkest man id ever seen, and both concerned were lucky to be alive. 

spare a thought for old Henry though. no man needs to see one of his best mates do front flips over scooters...no man...although the incident would have made for great footage, i maintain that my facial expressions could indeed rival the collision its self. let me explain, do it at home if you wish....legs shoulder with apart, knees bent 30 degree's. arms out elbows bent, as if someone is about to throw you a basketball. slap your self in the nose so your eyes glaze over and open your mouth as if someone is trying to throw a smarty in there...thats what i was like for nearly a miniute...i was 1.5 meters away from the crash but 5th on the scene to offer my aid...i didnt sleep much that night....why didnt i order what miles did? we would have finished 45 minutes early? the drunk guy would still be at the pub, why didnt we go to the other night markets? we never would have had to cross that street....anyone seen donnie darko? thats the shit im on about...

i did however enjoy miles being noticed in the street up to 2 hours later...people pointing and shouting in kmere to their friends "the man that defeated a scooter"... yeah thats right, he defeated a scooter...and that man is my pal miles wilson...

so yeah, sorry to ramble, hope its a good yarn. im Henry Nutt, my birthday is on the 19th, so add me on facebook and wish me a happy birthday. if i dont know you i can delete you after, im just in it for the numbers. cheers. Big Easy.

.......Buns here again.

“You want go to PEE PEEEEEEEE...!?!?”

You have to shout this in an asian-english accent, it’s radical.

Next we found our sorry balls in Hanoi, where we stayed in some dudes flat. The punch line here is that this flat was sold to us as a “hotel”, but was in fact a front for fat white kids (us) who have no idea where their sphincter is. The best part is, once we were checked into this phony place, we opened our lonely planet guide-book to the exact page where it stresses how careful foreigners need to be, as it is the number one destination for phony accommodation. Some overzealous cunt with a massive whitehead smack-bang in the middle of his chin; which I mistook for a chin stud, commandeered us from the taxi. The taxi pulled up outside the correct REAL hotel, only to have us whisked away by this puny, over enthusiastic fiend who knew our names, and had a “spray it don’t say it” attitude. Pellets of foam would literally hit you between the eyes as this smiley sack attempted to flex his English muscles – only in an bid to sell us a drastically over-priced day trip to Ha Long bay. We didn’t bite. So he had us check-out immediately. Turns out the cabbies work in cahoots with these fake travel agents/flat owners. I still have every organ though. Thumbs Up.

How many words do you think this blog is? .......Winner gets a rubber band to the neck.

So after a week in Hanoi, racking up counterfeit goods, and a day trip to the Ha Long Bay islands, things wrapped up after three weeks with a plethora of Bloody Marys, and a very nostril drying, upgraded flight home. Bizznak class baby, and rightfully so.

Chimpanzee that! Monkey news?

The Shiny shiny boyzzz have been busy, new press shots, new songs and a whole new light shed on 2012. I for one, am excited. A new single will be out shortly, coupled with a film clip and a swag of interstate tours. Keep your peepers on the facebook, and this here bible/blog. Things will happen from time to time – I promise.

Lots of love and kisses,

Buns.

Something for the visually able:

 Hanoi

 Ankor Wat? Bar

 Henry Nude through frosted glass...

  Aaron and his bargain GF, henry being coooool.

  Markets...... getting duped. (Casios)

  Chesney.

 Exotic.

  Ha Long Bay

  Sexy Photo 1

 Sexy Photo 2

Cheers to Michael Clements for his stella Photography work.

Nothingness

Do Wop Shoo wada wada....


Alright fellas?


Good to hear.


Firstly, In ground breaking nudes – The Briohny Bites are featured in the Triple J unearthed artist spotlight this week, along with Brisbanes “The Mank” – which is a sccchhweet name, I once did a Uni elective with two dudes who did an animated spoof of Mary Poppins entitled “Manky Gobbins”, which is perhaps why I am remotely fond of that particular band name. Manky Gobbins – huge effort. Good news.


In other exciting news, we five kings of orient are...getting set to release our new single, ideally unleashing it in early January; in time for the summer cricket series, the outdoor festival pot-pouri, the Glenelg Jazz festival, 3rd degree sunburns and biddies that be wearing short-shorts where you can see a little bit of bum-bum at the bottom. See? It’s well calculated and it may even feature on some 16 year olds “summer shenanigans”  i-photo montage. Fingers crossed aye? *nod*


On Sat-dee before taking to the stage before Papa Vs Pretty and The Vasco Era, TSB KRU (RIP drift Pig_113) are also doing a photo-shoot. One like Kyle Sandilands might have done before live-to-air he exclaimed:


“Some fat slag on the Telegraph website, sorry, has already branded it a disaster. You can tell by reading the article she just hates us, and has always hated us. She trawled through the twitter comments and pulled out all the bad comments and ran them. What a fat bitter thing you are, you deputy editor of an online thing. You’ve got a nothing job anyway. You’re a piece of shit.”
He then went on to say how he thought her "titties" were too small for her blouse.


He didn’t exactly “Hold back” on the female journalist did he? Good on him you know. Down with chicks – up with bro’s!! Maybe a possible chant? Start a hash tag – see how we go. Cool.


I started writing this blog with no intent, plot or punch line on offer – but I’m doing Ok I think.


Some good points of recent:

•  I noticed someone’s status update the other day querying why people who use hands-free accessories on their mobile phone still hold the handset 20cm from their face? GREAT POINT.

Might as well toss the ear piece? Oh wait, you’re a twat. I should have known from the pencil beard.

• Another thing that has kept me awake during Big Bang Theory – Do fish get thirsty? If so, THEN what?

ALSO


Re-sealable cheese never re-seals. Ever.
 I. Am. Feuuuming.


Another thing I have noticed recently is how quietly devastated people get when you “get their name wrong”. I am good with names, good enough anyhow. It’s rare I get a name wrong – because I usually just go with the “eeeyy here he is...” as if we are TOO GOOD pals to even use our names, it’s usually a failsafe system – use their name if you know it – or be olden-day Italian if you don’t. But lately I have been blurting out incorrect names to people who I DEFINITELY know their correct name? For no reason. Sure, I’m usually indulging in an ale when it happens, but still – it’s awkward at best. Like, you’re in a little conversation of maybe four people bouncing around Dad jokes, everyone trying to trump one another – until someone drops a doozie and everyone goes “ooooooohhhh yeah boi” etc. Except I go “fuck Yes Johnny boy” when his name is Dave? But, but I know his name is Dave? But there is no coming back from that. No Shawshank redemption. He thinks you’re a wanker – because he is convinced now that you aren’t as tighter mates as he thought, whereas you are. But you said the wrong name for no apparent reason. You can apologise, and claim you KNOW his name is Dave – but it will be to no avail. Why is that? Surely it has happened to Dave before? I dunno. Shit.


Lately I have gotten right back into Basketball. Mugsly Bogues style. Me and a tight knit group of homies found 8-foot rings nearby. Need a confidence booster in your life? Get down to an 8-foot ring and LET IT RAIN. Hang on that shit until it squeeks like a Payneham Possum. Even better – execute the dunk on the back end of an alley-oop. You won’t regret it. I PROMISE. Money.


Toot Sweet: Get on Dom Alessio's Podcast, he offers some very gratuitous words on our new single Blue Toes, what a ledge. Tune in around 4:15. 


If you have read this far - you are a dude.


Buns.