Cream of Corn

Ah?

In case you didn't hear, the one and only Graham "Studdly" Cornes gave us a lil' shout out on 5AA AM radio the other day. *drinking vessels clink*....

He didn't have to do that, you know? But he did. Because he's a good man, and a bloody good used car dealer - who understands the basic principles of supply and demand, and the need for a man to earn some of that sweet Bunse. I would imagine that he would take no less than a 200% mark-up on a second-hand 2003 Toyota Camry (trade in/resale proffdog), and that's why this is a big deal. Studdly is a mover and shaker, and blessed be he who receives thy nod of affirmation from ye Goliath of South Australian football.

A mention must also be made for the subsequent 12 "over fifties users" facebook likes we received as a result of the shout-out - which I for one know would have taken each user at LEAST twenty-five minutes to suss out. What with having to find their prescription glasses case, turning the power on at the wall and on the hard-drive, ringing their nieces who signed them up to Facebook to retrieve their login deets (which is actually written on a post-it stuck to the monitor), sifting through hundreds of undesired results regarding laundry's and white-goods, going through up-to-and-including three earl grey tea's to calm the nerves (which have developed as a result of the flourishing technology), and taking up to thirty seconds to type each individual letter. See what I mean? It's more like fifty minutes, and we haven't even gotten into the possibility of them still rocking a Dial-up internet scheme yet, either. All I am trying to say is, our spike in "likes" doesn't reflect the true value of the interaction. OK?

Twiddle the knobs on your wireless below to 'ave a listen:
Cornesy loves TSB

Cornes muses. He mentions that little-known band - The Temper Trap, who are booked for the AFL Grand Final, should perhaps be told to step aside for the much more established, heaps signed, ARIA chart dominators - The Shiny Brights.....and THAT my friends, is why Studdly is THE MAN.



Furthermore I am a bell-end.....and.....we were devilishly rubbing our palms together when our bestest babes, The Salvadors, recently made a few tunes available for all to listen, via Soundcloud.

Lovin' this tune aye, strewth.
Seriously. It's good.
>>>Acapulco

More to the point, The Salvadors are releasing an album, and if you aren't at the Governor Hindmarsh Hotel on Saturday 13th of October - you are most-probably a Weiner. Nay, a can't hack it panny-waste - who wears his mamma's bra, and plays ball like a girl. So......

Thanks for being there.

Buns -TSB-


 

Tight Rope Tour

Monet, Manet, tippi-tippi Day day.....

How Good is the Woopsie animation?

I lolled. Some may have even LSHMTFOIMC'd.....
(Laughing so hard my turban falls off into my curry) this is actually a recognised acronym - I read it somewhere.

The other day I went to the movies/pictures/flicks/films, (depending on what decade you were born in, or which english county you prefer) I went to see "The Five Year Engagemnt". I thought to myself, before I enter the cinema - I'll sidle over to the Candy Bar - just to ensure they are stocking the appropriate confectionery/ popcorn butter. After twice turning down service offers from the drastically overstaffed cinema eatery, I came to the conclusion that I best purchase a beverage, just in case I need a vice to detract my attention away from how potentially annoyed I may be half way through the film - if it's as Borry as the trailer suggests. It was upon ordering my large diet coke - for which price I could have probably flown Jason Segel to the Piccadilly for a game of checkers - that a moment of pure bliss and disbelief came over me. I strolled up to the register, where I was confronted by the Veronicas backing dancers (5 staff members at once - who's doing the rosters here?) and politely requested they fix me a large diet coke. The Selena Gomez serving me yells down the assembly line...(I still can't believe this - the poooooor girl) in a moment of devastating awkwardness like I have never seen, she goes "One large COCK please...COKE! One Large COKE!".

Ooooooh man.


I couldn't even hide my embarrassment for her, I was choking on mouth farts trying to contain my amazement. She then tries to mop-up her sexually connotative error by offering "...ooooo what's on MY mind hey??"... The hole she had dug was so deep she was flicking lava out with her spade. All the while, she hasn't actually realised THAT I AM STILL STANDING THERE LISTENING. I'm still eagerly awaiting my large diet coke obviously - I fucking paid for it in gold bullion. She looks up and notices that I was, in fact,  there the whole time. She had a look on her face like her mum just burnt her winning lottery ticket after deeming it to be sinful. She then places her now frantically shaking hand over her mouth and just mutters "Oh. My. God...". THEN - the best part.....SHE JUST LEAVES. Bang. Just like that. See you fucking later - I'm clocking off. I may never, ever return. Her embarrassment could only be measured in Killer Whales, or mining transport vehicles.

I had gargantuan props for her prompt exit. Her aesthetically similar friend ended up getting me the delayed soda. She looked at her shoes and slid it across the counter. I had the biggest grin you have ever seen on my face and just said,

 "Thank you.....

....SO MUCH"

Unbelievable event.

You know what else promises to be an awesome event? Monday.
Because MOnday my friends, is the day that The Shiny Brights drop their newest single!!! YAY-town!
Confetti and streamers people!

Stay tuned and be the first to hear it, and to see the stunning new film clip - one with a clever edge, you just wait and see you skallywags! Aye!

All the best. Ron Artest. Meta World Peace.

Buns.

PS - The movie turned out to be funny, best night ever.

I also made this appropriate image.

Bye.

Con-Vinced.

These are some picture messages I have received recently.
We got Beebs there, with some weepers. Penocchio (look closely). Also Dong kwok.

Giggidy.

Because all you Barry’s check this blog every few hours - eagerly sifting for another dose of humour and intrigue; you may have seen The Brights do a little diddy or two on a rooftop in Sydney? Dem clips were filmed by two Sydney lads who were even cooler than the local scenesters down at the Excelsior. Believe it or not we conquered the two chunes in minimal takes, and they colour graded the footage to make us look more tanned and sexual, even if I was ear-tagged as looking like a sexual predator - One who preys in the night,  outside 24 hour fast food outlets, or even better – near cab ranks. Anyway- share around the clips, we will get some sort of viral toilet flush going. Maybe.

I looked out of the window this morning and became fixated on one of those really old codgers that just does laps of the block, but at a charismatic rate of like 400 metres per hour. Hushpuppies – check. Repping one of those old man baggy hats, pants up near the navel, and enough bryll-creem to lube a chimney. He just shuffles maybe 8 or 9 steps and then just takes in the scenery with his hands interlocked behind his back, as if to say “being in a rush is for poonces, mate”. People will argue that his sloth like pace is due to a double hip replacement, and copping seven 9mm slugs to the solar-plexus in World War 2, but I think he is just making a point? When is the last time you went for a walk, and just looked at shit? Without a destination or timeframe? I live on a busy road too, not even the screeching of exhaust brakes or the wafting smell of manure as a piggery truck passes can shake this guy – who I have named Vince. It’s so awesome to observe this dude, especially when he reaccommodates his extremely high beige slacks, it’s as if he wants his ciggie packet in his top pocket to god-damn-well rest on his belt buckle, like a boob shelf. I could have a boob shelf if I wanted. When I am Vince’s age – I’ll be shelving my darts. On my boob – not my up my nuse. Ok?

I just can’t stop writing about this Leeeeedge. Vince usually rolls about 300 meters down Portrush, and sometimes hobbles...nay – leans, into the Marden shopping centre. Like, he has a gangster lean (probably the hip, not dissimilar to the lean of Wiz Khalifa), and it is here - on a bench next to the 80’s style water feature, that he catches up with his other grossly Italian pals. Call their daily union queer, but I watch them toss around banta in rapid Italiano, and I am deeply jealous, and feel like a boring wanker. I popped into the woollies the other day to pickup some fetta cheese, steel wool and twix’s, and as I was leaving the check-out they gestured to me amongst themselves, and were obviously throwing around hilarious jokes about my clothes/hair-do/infant face/weird walking style. I locked eyes with one of them briefly – then I did this......

But, instead of feeling self-conscious – I just felt left-out. Just desperately un-funny. I think they respected that. I’m also well aware that because I can’t puree my own tomatoes from my watered concrete veggie patch, into a delicious Napolitano sauce - I will never be truly accepted into their circle.

But will the Shiny Brights be accepted into your circle? Into your social media realm? Into your hearts and Ice-breaking conversations around the workplace water cooler? You better consider this sooner or later, because there are many-a-iron-in-the-fire.....and by that I mean we have a newly acquired, peeeeeaar-ful (powerful) mojo for writing a new brand of dreamy guitar soaked indie rock music that promises to make even the gloomiest Jimmy Bollard nod his head. Comprende?  

Thanks for your time. If you havent seen the coustic numbers - they are the previous two posts.

Tickity Boo.

Buns -TSB-

Yir.

Run With Scissors Video Clip

Enjoy!

The Shiny Brights - Run With Scissors.

Edited and Produced by Tom Stevens

Nothingness

Do Wop Shoo wada wada....


Alright fellas?


Good to hear.


Firstly, In ground breaking nudes – The Briohny Bites are featured in the Triple J unearthed artist spotlight this week, along with Brisbanes “The Mank” – which is a sccchhweet name, I once did a Uni elective with two dudes who did an animated spoof of Mary Poppins entitled “Manky Gobbins”, which is perhaps why I am remotely fond of that particular band name. Manky Gobbins – huge effort. Good news.


In other exciting news, we five kings of orient are...getting set to release our new single, ideally unleashing it in early January; in time for the summer cricket series, the outdoor festival pot-pouri, the Glenelg Jazz festival, 3rd degree sunburns and biddies that be wearing short-shorts where you can see a little bit of bum-bum at the bottom. See? It’s well calculated and it may even feature on some 16 year olds “summer shenanigans”  i-photo montage. Fingers crossed aye? *nod*


On Sat-dee before taking to the stage before Papa Vs Pretty and The Vasco Era, TSB KRU (RIP drift Pig_113) are also doing a photo-shoot. One like Kyle Sandilands might have done before live-to-air he exclaimed:


“Some fat slag on the Telegraph website, sorry, has already branded it a disaster. You can tell by reading the article she just hates us, and has always hated us. She trawled through the twitter comments and pulled out all the bad comments and ran them. What a fat bitter thing you are, you deputy editor of an online thing. You’ve got a nothing job anyway. You’re a piece of shit.”
He then went on to say how he thought her "titties" were too small for her blouse.


He didn’t exactly “Hold back” on the female journalist did he? Good on him you know. Down with chicks – up with bro’s!! Maybe a possible chant? Start a hash tag – see how we go. Cool.


I started writing this blog with no intent, plot or punch line on offer – but I’m doing Ok I think.


Some good points of recent:

•  I noticed someone’s status update the other day querying why people who use hands-free accessories on their mobile phone still hold the handset 20cm from their face? GREAT POINT.

Might as well toss the ear piece? Oh wait, you’re a twat. I should have known from the pencil beard.

• Another thing that has kept me awake during Big Bang Theory – Do fish get thirsty? If so, THEN what?

ALSO


Re-sealable cheese never re-seals. Ever.
 I. Am. Feuuuming.


Another thing I have noticed recently is how quietly devastated people get when you “get their name wrong”. I am good with names, good enough anyhow. It’s rare I get a name wrong – because I usually just go with the “eeeyy here he is...” as if we are TOO GOOD pals to even use our names, it’s usually a failsafe system – use their name if you know it – or be olden-day Italian if you don’t. But lately I have been blurting out incorrect names to people who I DEFINITELY know their correct name? For no reason. Sure, I’m usually indulging in an ale when it happens, but still – it’s awkward at best. Like, you’re in a little conversation of maybe four people bouncing around Dad jokes, everyone trying to trump one another – until someone drops a doozie and everyone goes “ooooooohhhh yeah boi” etc. Except I go “fuck Yes Johnny boy” when his name is Dave? But, but I know his name is Dave? But there is no coming back from that. No Shawshank redemption. He thinks you’re a wanker – because he is convinced now that you aren’t as tighter mates as he thought, whereas you are. But you said the wrong name for no apparent reason. You can apologise, and claim you KNOW his name is Dave – but it will be to no avail. Why is that? Surely it has happened to Dave before? I dunno. Shit.


Lately I have gotten right back into Basketball. Mugsly Bogues style. Me and a tight knit group of homies found 8-foot rings nearby. Need a confidence booster in your life? Get down to an 8-foot ring and LET IT RAIN. Hang on that shit until it squeeks like a Payneham Possum. Even better – execute the dunk on the back end of an alley-oop. You won’t regret it. I PROMISE. Money.


Toot Sweet: Get on Dom Alessio's Podcast, he offers some very gratuitous words on our new single Blue Toes, what a ledge. Tune in around 4:15. 


If you have read this far - you are a dude.


Buns.