Monet, Manet, tippi-tippi Day day.....

How Good is the Woopsie animation?

I lolled. Some may have even LSHMTFOIMC'd.....
(Laughing so hard my turban falls off into my curry) this is actually a recognised acronym - I read it somewhere.

The other day I went to the movies/pictures/flicks/films, (depending on what decade you were born in, or which english county you prefer) I went to see "The Five Year Engagemnt". I thought to myself, before I enter the cinema - I'll sidle over to the Candy Bar - just to ensure they are stocking the appropriate confectionery/ popcorn butter. After twice turning down service offers from the drastically overstaffed cinema eatery, I came to the conclusion that I best purchase a beverage, just in case I need a vice to detract my attention away from how potentially annoyed I may be half way through the film - if it's as Borry as the trailer suggests. It was upon ordering my large diet coke - for which price I could have probably flown Jason Segel to the Piccadilly for a game of checkers - that a moment of pure bliss and disbelief came over me. I strolled up to the register, where I was confronted by the Veronicas backing dancers (5 staff members at once - who's doing the rosters here?) and politely requested they fix me a large diet coke. The Selena Gomez serving me yells down the assembly line...(I still can't believe this - the poooooor girl) in a moment of devastating awkwardness like I have never seen, she goes "One large COCK please...COKE! One Large COKE!".

Ooooooh man.


I couldn't even hide my embarrassment for her, I was choking on mouth farts trying to contain my amazement. She then tries to mop-up her sexually connotative error by offering "...ooooo what's on MY mind hey??"... The hole she had dug was so deep she was flicking lava out with her spade. All the while, she hasn't actually realised THAT I AM STILL STANDING THERE LISTENING. I'm still eagerly awaiting my large diet coke obviously - I fucking paid for it in gold bullion. She looks up and notices that I was, in fact,  there the whole time. She had a look on her face like her mum just burnt her winning lottery ticket after deeming it to be sinful. She then places her now frantically shaking hand over her mouth and just mutters "Oh. My. God...". THEN - the best part.....SHE JUST LEAVES. Bang. Just like that. See you fucking later - I'm clocking off. I may never, ever return. Her embarrassment could only be measured in Killer Whales, or mining transport vehicles.

I had gargantuan props for her prompt exit. Her aesthetically similar friend ended up getting me the delayed soda. She looked at her shoes and slid it across the counter. I had the biggest grin you have ever seen on my face and just said,

 "Thank you.....

....SO MUCH"

Unbelievable event.

You know what else promises to be an awesome event? Monday.
Because MOnday my friends, is the day that The Shiny Brights drop their newest single!!! YAY-town!
Confetti and streamers people!

Stay tuned and be the first to hear it, and to see the stunning new film clip - one with a clever edge, you just wait and see you skallywags! Aye!

All the best. Ron Artest. Meta World Peace.

Buns.

PS - The movie turned out to be funny, best night ever.

I also made this appropriate image.

Bye.

Woopsie...

Con-Vinced.

These are some picture messages I have received recently.
We got Beebs there, with some weepers. Penocchio (look closely). Also Dong kwok.

Giggidy.

Because all you Barry’s check this blog every few hours - eagerly sifting for another dose of humour and intrigue; you may have seen The Brights do a little diddy or two on a rooftop in Sydney? Dem clips were filmed by two Sydney lads who were even cooler than the local scenesters down at the Excelsior. Believe it or not we conquered the two chunes in minimal takes, and they colour graded the footage to make us look more tanned and sexual, even if I was ear-tagged as looking like a sexual predator - One who preys in the night,  outside 24 hour fast food outlets, or even better – near cab ranks. Anyway- share around the clips, we will get some sort of viral toilet flush going. Maybe.

I looked out of the window this morning and became fixated on one of those really old codgers that just does laps of the block, but at a charismatic rate of like 400 metres per hour. Hushpuppies – check. Repping one of those old man baggy hats, pants up near the navel, and enough bryll-creem to lube a chimney. He just shuffles maybe 8 or 9 steps and then just takes in the scenery with his hands interlocked behind his back, as if to say “being in a rush is for poonces, mate”. People will argue that his sloth like pace is due to a double hip replacement, and copping seven 9mm slugs to the solar-plexus in World War 2, but I think he is just making a point? When is the last time you went for a walk, and just looked at shit? Without a destination or timeframe? I live on a busy road too, not even the screeching of exhaust brakes or the wafting smell of manure as a piggery truck passes can shake this guy – who I have named Vince. It’s so awesome to observe this dude, especially when he reaccommodates his extremely high beige slacks, it’s as if he wants his ciggie packet in his top pocket to god-damn-well rest on his belt buckle, like a boob shelf. I could have a boob shelf if I wanted. When I am Vince’s age – I’ll be shelving my darts. On my boob – not my up my nuse. Ok?

I just can’t stop writing about this Leeeeedge. Vince usually rolls about 300 meters down Portrush, and sometimes hobbles...nay – leans, into the Marden shopping centre. Like, he has a gangster lean (probably the hip, not dissimilar to the lean of Wiz Khalifa), and it is here - on a bench next to the 80’s style water feature, that he catches up with his other grossly Italian pals. Call their daily union queer, but I watch them toss around banta in rapid Italiano, and I am deeply jealous, and feel like a boring wanker. I popped into the woollies the other day to pickup some fetta cheese, steel wool and twix’s, and as I was leaving the check-out they gestured to me amongst themselves, and were obviously throwing around hilarious jokes about my clothes/hair-do/infant face/weird walking style. I locked eyes with one of them briefly – then I did this......

But, instead of feeling self-conscious – I just felt left-out. Just desperately un-funny. I think they respected that. I’m also well aware that because I can’t puree my own tomatoes from my watered concrete veggie patch, into a delicious Napolitano sauce - I will never be truly accepted into their circle.

But will the Shiny Brights be accepted into your circle? Into your social media realm? Into your hearts and Ice-breaking conversations around the workplace water cooler? You better consider this sooner or later, because there are many-a-iron-in-the-fire.....and by that I mean we have a newly acquired, peeeeeaar-ful (powerful) mojo for writing a new brand of dreamy guitar soaked indie rock music that promises to make even the gloomiest Jimmy Bollard nod his head. Comprende?  

Thanks for your time. If you havent seen the coustic numbers - they are the previous two posts.

Tickity Boo.

Buns -TSB-

Yir.

Slippery Dip Live acoustic - new song Sneak Peek!

A new diddy.

Run With Scissors - The Shiny Brights for DO IT LIVE!

A few weeks back yeah, on a rooftop in Sydney's outer leafy suburbs, we threw together some tunes of the acoustic variety - for the guys from "Do It Live". They are below for your perusal and ultimate satisfaction.
The Blog that keeps giving. That's what everyone is saying. Around the streets.

Enjoi.

Run With Scissors Live Acoustic.



-TSB-

#bsack

Mour....(Mini/Tour)

Herzlichen Gluckwunsch.

You have probably heard on the GV (Grapevine) that lex, lippy, wolfy, pizznit and bunzy are in a band yeah? Not just any band – the five bestest friends that anyone could ever have....band. We just went on the road too – making cheerio’s and bumping fists in Sydney, Adelaide and Melbourne. Us five besties just know how to have such a SWELL time too, you know? Such rascals hey..... totally!

Le-Tour-de-mini-horn got off to flyer with a doozie of a rock concert in the heart of Melbourne, at the infamous Revolver. I’m not sure about you guys, but for me, as soon as anyone mentions Revolver, I’m like; “Is that that poo-hole where that guy was found dead after laying there lifeless for 24 hours, whilst gurning jaws clapped out SOS signals around him?”, so this time around I thought fuck it – I’m going to ask the longest standing employee here, and quash this rumour once and for all. Enter Revolver soundman....”Hey Man, how long have you been working here?”.......”Awww pfffffft 12 years?”.......”Brilliant – you would have to know. Did some MDMA mule kark it here a few years back, whilst people danced the night away in the pitch black anonymity of that back corner?”.

Long story short. They have had several dudes OD there. This one particular guy was clinically dead, his heart had stopped, and whilst paramedics attempted to revive him, two blokes came up claiming to be his “mates”, and offered to call his mother. After making a pretend phone call, the two men fucking rolled the dying teenager for everything he was worth, including his watch and shoes, then scurried off into the darkness never to be seen again. Greeeaaaat blokes. The worst part is me and the soundman broke into laughter as he told the story. Anyway – he was unsure as to what came of the near-dead young man, but can confirm that this is the much closer reality to the rumour.

We opened the night in Melbourne and we were followed by Brisbane’s Hey Geronimo, and hometown heroes The Jonesez. The calibre of the bands seemed to exponentially grow as the night progressed.... with the Jonesez capping the night off with a very impressive show. Also “Grouse” blokes. Remember that word? Grouse? I would appreciate it if everyone slipped this back into today’s lingo, Cheers.

The Jonesez @ Revolver

Friday around 3pm Da Shinez le poofe-ee arrived in Sydney, I had just pounded a chicken and salad double cut roll that just WOULD NOT digest. But it gave me the necessary carbohydrates I needed to punch the drum kit all night like a fricking legend, and I was fine after I "took the hobbits to isengard" if you know what I'm saying. Our first port of call was a luxurious rooftop just out of the Sydney CBD that had a 360 degree panorama view of the city skyline. It was here that we tried our hand at some acoustic style beatzzz (Run With Scissors and Slippery Dip) which were professionally filmed by two lovely gentlemen with three HD cameras. The final result? Stay tuned.

Boner Jamz.

At around 11pm after Sydney band Pear Shape performed, and after about 5 of those imperial pints that mimic mediaeval beer vessels and make you feel like Mr.Frodo at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, we took to the stage. The gig was part of the Go-Here-Go-There festival which saw nearly twenty bands share two stages at neighbouring venues. The stellar event was quarterbacked by long-time lover and close friend Clancy Bennett, and was “A credit......to the airline..”.

Our set went swimmingly with some more than generous crowd participation as a result of suitable drink specials, and a worryingly Adelaide-clad crowd. But have you ever played the drums on a seat that constantly goes “Tssssssssst” all the way to the bottom of its height capabilities? Its incredibly frustrating, and makes you play like a clucking chicken, but I had to ADAPT nigga, ADAPT. Being optimistic paid off – we made it through after some serious lag-time between chunes. All part of the show though, you know what I’m saying all those record labels out there? Yeah.

 After we peeled our wet and soiled shirts off, and doused our balls in deodorant, we B-lined for the bar. Then the Dj decks. Then the dance-floor. Then the Dj decks. Then I had three people in a piggy-back. Then we skulled white wine from the bottle. Then I tried several times to Moonwalk, but was denied due to the caked Bacardi breezer spillage all of the floor. I told you we were the bestest damn five buddy-ol-pals anyone could ever have. Didn’t I.

 Kaaa-yuuuuuuute

 Bands. Are. Fun.

 These are the Dj Decks we set alight on Sat night.....

 Rego gets all blurry faced on my arse.

 I sat next to this baby on the plane...............BANG SIX TOES BITCH.

I mean.....wow.

Oh and we played at Clipsal, at the Hutt street after party to my sort of crowd. Sneans, with car company patched shirts, and bucket hats. Since when are they back in? They were never even in? No excuses. Unless you catch 20 kilo Marlon on the reg – get that peice of anus off your head.

And stop yelling “Barnesssssyyy”... to us in between songs. We are unfamiliar with the catalogue of Mr James Barnes.

Oh and you have pissed yourself. Woopsie.

Please refrain from touching/long-pouring your west end frothie all over our fold-backs too.

Great. Cheers.

We are the Shiny Brights.

Buns.

PS - I will leave you with the most amazing photo I have ever been involved in ever, ever, ever.

EVAAAAAA.

Drum roll......pun intended. Ha! ROFL LOLZ

Ta Da!

Ladies and Gentlemen. I bid you a Jew, and a Palestinian.

Good night.

PartAY

Straight from the nudes desk...

How bout them white leather loafers people wear hey? Whip it into a combo meal with a white belt? Babes be melting. At least that's what my mate Dylan told me, he's doing up his mums Camira.

 

Put a pair of these badboys on and you'll be "hookin up" heaps. 

What a legend.

In other news, we played a string of shows in the last few weeks, no white loafers were worn.
Our FUSE Festival show at Jive in Adelaide was great, we played a bunch of new songs, babes melted.
We're of to Melbourne to play a show at Revolver on 2nd March (Friday) with Jonsez. Can't wait for those sweet mini cans of coke on the flight.

Also this week Radar Radio added us to their playlist, pretty cool eh? My mum thinks so, Dad reckons it's alright too. Keep an "ear out" and hopefully you will hear us, if not you'll probably hear one of the tracks below.

ATB

BrightLightsBigCity – Clubfeet
Running It – Diafrix
Days – The Drums
Let You Go – Pete Murray
No Sleep – Wiz Khalifa
Let’s Forget All The Things That We Say – Julia Stone

Unsigned/Independent
Rosebud – The Jezabels
Run With Scissors – The Shiny Brights

SONG OF THE WEEK: Rosebud – The Jezabels

RECORD OF THE WEEK: ‘In A Million Years’ – Last Dinosaurs

Boom Goes the Dynamite.

A little from Column A, a little from column YEAH....

Now that I have your undivided attention, Hello....how are you?


I trust the happiness gods have granted you good virtue of recent........What?!.... I dunno. Back off.


Moments ago a man busted me talking to myself. This happens more than you would have thought. You know when you are pondering conversations that you might be having soon, when you assume the person you will be conversing with will have some gay rebuttal to whatever you say, regardless? So you sort of sit there and rehearse some “slap back” options – to shut the person up? Or also, repeating conversations you have already had – and rehearsing what you wish you had said? Even though the conversation was a week ago – and the culprit has forgotten you even had a conversation? Sometimes it takes me up to five minutes to realise I am muttering to myself at a low volume, and I appear to be Barry Bazrenath. But it’s worse when you are like at home doing the dishes or something mindless, and you assume no-one is home, so you REALLY go for it. Like, you are just having full blown conversations with yourself, proper volume and shet. Then your brother walks in, but your back is turned – so your still going through conversation options out aloud, while he stands there startled by your sheer autism. I’m the king at getting sidetracked, this is a great example. But anyway a dude caught me talking to myself, then when I looked up – he pretended to be hastily writing a text message. His kerfuffle was just as bad as mine in a way.


5 Notable events of recent:

1. Run With Scissors film clip soars above 1,000 hits in the first 3 weeks. (A-plus gold star)
2. Blue Toes and Run With Scissors are added to Radar radio in Sydney (High five)
3. Run With Scissors film clip is featured on numerous blogs, including Djs weekly top 20, Rip it up, Glam Adelaide and Play Pause Play. (four-step pre-rehearsed handshake)
4. The Shiny Brights are added to the Go here-Go There festival in Kings Cross, w/ King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard (yell YEAH!)
5. The band performs new track Pushing Daisies with Delia Obst for the first time to a jam-packed crowd at Arcade Lane for the Fringe Festival (firm handshake and lots of nodding)



Now that I have inputted some relevance to this blog, I am free to write about things that really matter, like why my seatbelt always locks up - just when I need to lean forward to peer into a seemingly free parking space, only to have my bollocks kicked when I realise that it is of course, an unusually stubby car – like an old fiat or some mini minor piece of poo. EVERYTIME, I’m fuming. Or when it’s a scooter? Up yours mate. Your seatbelt locking up is so infuriating? Like you are just in a shit mood for the next hour, because your 89 corolla chooses the exact opposite times to cease up; when I brake frantically – where is the lock up? It is nowhere to be seen, it’s somewhere between my whip-lash and stinky 80s brake pads, that’s where it damn well is. I’m writing a letter to yoshimitsu Toyota.


Also, why are people in hospitality or customer service related employment such shit blokes? Did you waltz into the public bar interview not expecting to be talking to people? Is there a reason why you are still in this line of work despite possessing horrific service skills and a poor-mans attitude? I’m allowed to order a beer, surely. Don’t give me that blaze, “you are a retard” attitude mate – or get another job? No excuses. I’m fuming. Also, am I invisible? I have a reflection so..... maybe serve me before the bryl creem rep next to me who JUST ARRIVED. Jeeeeeeeeez. My internal dialogue does back flips in these situations.


Enough of that negativity. HOLLA!


Fuse is on Thursday night, we have a good showcase going on with The Guppies from NSW, The Leit Motif and Delia Obst. If you don’t come and see Delia – you lose. Because she is of a high calibre, true ‘dis. It is also FREE, so no reason not to go right? Good music, no expenditure? Sounds good to me. Beers also available for those Hoola hoopers and pac-man video gamers. To be sure, to be sure (irish accent). Ok, well – talk soon guys.


Buns